Coffee, smoke and bytes—
you see me every day, you say
on a screen where I look
nicer and larger than life,
but I cannot decipher
your digital love for me;
I cannot feel the warmth
of your touch and the sense
of your scent is lost to me—
I feel lonely in all this rush
of friends and comments and likes and dislikes;
I am falling out of the cycle of time.

My poems are falling like winter leaves,
line by line, for I crave not your avatar
but to touch your heart,
but here amidst my coffee
my cigarettes and futile smoke,
my endless gnawing bytes
carving like invisible teeth inside my heart;
craving you among all your profiles and pictures and selfies
among all your celebrations of yourself, I don’t see me—
everywhere on that web I feel stuck
eating myself inside out,
being everywhere and nowhere—
like navigating and endless sea without a map
not knowing where to land
not knowing the vastness of the journey
not knowing how close you are to me
how far I have always been from you.

Here among my coffee, smoke and bytes,
I long to touch your face
rub my nose all over your skin—
it will only feel real then—
look into your real eyes
and see who you are
or who you have become,
let the natural vibrations in the air
coming out of your mouth reach my ears—
no mimicking, no good and bad sound,
just your voice alone;
and I stop the flow for I can’t help
feeling your breasts against my chest
and I am blown away by every breath
I feel the hair on my beard move
like trees in a hurricane, I stop the flow
just to lay my lips on yours and kiss
what I can never kiss on screens, online,
and hold you close and keep looking into your eyes
when your looks rephrase me like a line
to tell you how much I love,
how much I miss you.

Here among my coffee, smoke and bytes,
I see you all around
but I can feel nothin’—
I miss you here on my own
I miss you here by myself
I miss you all the time.

August 14, 2015